Apparition
by silentmuse24
Summary: The act or instance of appearing. Abby is dreaming of her lost lover. What happens when her dreams of Kate turn her into the arms of a woman she thought she despised with all her heart? Zabby with hints of Kabby.


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**A/N:** A little piece I got inspired to do since I wanted to write at least ONE more thing before the holidays were over. Enjoy!!

--x--

_Hot kisses trailed up my stomach, the whisper of warm breath tickling the fine hairs on my neck as soft, supple flesh meshed along mine, I whimpered, feeling hardened nipples rub along my stomach as my fantasy lover drew up to kiss me, moaning into the kiss, I felt her tongue slide alongside mine, peppermint teased my tongue and the kiss broke._

_"Abby,"I heard her whisper. I did not open my eyes, for I wasn't a fool, if I opened my eyes, my dream would end, and Kate would not be laying atop of me, like she used to. No. Because Kate Todd was now dead, murdered in cold blood by that bastard Ari, and laid to rest in her homestate, many many miles from here, in my bed, the bed that I'd only bought to please her because the coffin didn't have enough space for both of us when we liked to enjoy ourselves..._

_"Abby, why won't you look at me? I'm waiting,"she teased, ghost traces of her fingers played along the roundness of my bare breast and I arched, yearning for her touch._

_"Kate.."I pleaded. I could almost see her golden-hazel eyes glittering in the faint light from the window above, her smile glinting as she chuckled gently, a heavenly sound oh so sweet, she was my Goddess, she was the only thing that made me truly believe that maybe there was a real God, because only He could have made me such a perfect Angel. _

_"I love you, Abby,"Kate whispered beside my ear, her fingers still playing along my breasts._

_"I love you, Kate, please, don't tease me-"I whimpered. A kiss on my cheek._

_"If you love me, open your eyes, I want to see your baby blues, won't you please look at me?"Kate badgered._

_"But you'll dissappear, you always do,"I felt the lump in my throat form, it wouldn't be long before reality began to really bring me back to Earth, I could sense it, I reached for her. "Kate, don't leave me."_

_"What're you talking about? I could never leave you,"Kate smiled._

_"Kate, please.. Kate come back,"I moaned. _

I reached for her, I could no longer feel the warmth of her body sitting on top of me, I couldn't feel her soft flesh, I couldn't taste her, touch her, I rolled... and gravity took its toll.

_THOMP!!!_

"Shit! OW!"I immediately slapped my hand to my skull that collided with the hardwood floor of my bedroom. My black hair in dissaray, the sheets from my bed tangled around my legs and nothing covering the rest of my nude body in the harsh, bitter daylight. I squinted up at my radio clock as it began blaring out my alarm, Death Cab for Cutie. _Ugh_,

"And this is why I sleep in a coffin,"I groaned as I wrapped myself up in the dark, navy sheets and pulled myself up off of the floor. "Because at least I won't fall out of it in the middle of the night,"I spoke to the emptiness of my spare bedroom in my apartment. I sighed, looking around at all the hung portraits of sketches and photos and paintings, a vase of dead black roses sat on my bedside table, I'd never gotten rid of them, they had been the last ones Kate ever gave to me, this room was, for the most part, still untouched since her funeral, I had only come in here every once in a while to tidy and keep things neat, because Kate always hated having things dirty. But other than that, it stayed the same, I could still smell Kate's perfume just barely on the sheets that were wrapped around my torso, I hated that it had started to fade, I had spent an outrageous amount of money on a few bottles of her favorite fragrance, but it didn't help but so much, nothing could have ever truly bottled the smell of Kate, I closed my eyes and tried to recall her scent, her memory, her voice, even, Hell.. who was I kidding? She was fading away every day that went by without her there.

I stared at my reflection in the long mirror near the door that led into her bathroom. Tears shone in my green eyes. I hated that she was gone, I hated being here, alone, in this apartment, that seemed too large for just one person, but I didn't want to share it with anyone, anyone else but her. I looked at the calender above the mirror and noticed that today was exactly one year since Kate's death, and the tears fell then.

"Damn you, Kate, damn you for leaving me,"I cried, and I walked to the dresser, prepared to throw something, I grabbed her hairbrush and froze, beneath that was a photo, black and white, of her. It was the one from the park, that I took of her that day I headed to the crime scene with the team and she and I fooled around with the camera for a few minutes while Gibbs was chastising something to Tony, she was sitting on the sidewalk, in her NCIS gear, her ballcap was slightly askew, the sun was shining and her bright wide-eyes were shining with laughter as she laughed at me, taking the photograph. I didn't realize I'd picked up the photo until I was sitting on the bed, and a single teardrop fell onto the picture.

I wiped the water from the photo and sniffled.

"Oh, Kate, I miss you,"I laid back on the bed, clutching the photograph to my heart and then sniffled again as my alarm went off again, the five minute snooze, and I picked up the phone.

--x--

"What? Abby, can you calm down? What is it?"McGee's voice immediately stopped the bickering between his fellow field agents, Agent DiNozzo and Officer David. "Uh huh, okay, no, I'll tell Gibbs when he gets in, just take it easy, and promise to call me if you need anything, alright, bye."

"That Abs?"Tony asked.

"No it was the tooth fairy, she said you were late for your dentist appointment, candy thief,"Ziva growled.

"I'm not even going to correct that incorrectable sentence, Officer _David_,"Tony snipped.

"Would you two please try and look like your busy? Gibbs isn't going to be in a pleasant mood..."McGee argued.

"Why, because Abs is sick? We can survive a day without her,"Tony shrugged, tossing a hackysack in the air.

"No, because today's a year since Kate's death-"

The hackysack dropped to the floor and Ziva hung up on her phonecall, looking over at McGee, both of them went silent.

"Has it really been a year?"Tony looked at his calender, almost shocked. Ziva downcast her eyes and said nothing, Kate was a topic that brought up a very hard case for them all, the loss of Ari to Ziva was hard to deal with, but what made it worse was the pain he caused her team that was now like a family to her.

"Where's Abby?"Gibbs came through, coffee in hand.

"Sick, boss,"Tony stated immediately, always has to be the golden boy.

"McGee?"Gibbs looked over at McGee for clarification.

"She called in, said to page her if anything comes up, but she's taking a sick day,"Tim stated. Gibbs took a brief look over a Ziva, then to Tony and then to his desktop.

"Right, lets get to work, where are we on Folden's case file?"

--x--

The knocking at the door just couldn't stop, could it? I grumbled as I made my way toward the insistent knocking after having ignored all my calls and the several house visits from Gibbs and Tony, I just figured McGee would be the kind to leave me alone when I wanted but it looks like I'd have to be mean. My hair was a mess, I didn't have make-up on and I was in nothing but socks and a very long old blue Ohio State jersey that Kate had left in my apartment.

"I'm coming, damnit McGee can't you just lea-"I jerked to a straightened pose when I yanked the door open to not find McGee standing there, but Ziva instead. My mouth hung open for a good minute before I realized that I was staring. Ziva was still in her work outfit, dark jeans a black turtleneck and her dark brown leather jacket, her wild curls were pulled back into a tame, yet bushy ponytail, her dark eyes seemed... sad.

"Sorry, I know I should've called first-"

"You're right, you should have,"I snapped, narrowing my eyes. I wasn't in the mood for company, least of all, Ziva's. She was related to the scum that put me in this bad mood, if it weren't for her, or her family, or anyone in Mossad, Kate may still be alive today.

"Abby-"

"Ziva,"I cut her off. "Please, I really, _really_ want to say this as rudely as possible, but for your sake, I'm going to be nice- Go. Away." I went to slam the door but Ziva's booted foot caught it and it was pushed back. Ziva looked miserable, and slightly aggravated.

"I didn't come here to pick a war,"Ziva tried again.

"Pick a _fight,_ you mean, and that's exactly what you're going to get if you don't just leave me alone, I don't want to see anybody, least of all, you, right now!"I whipped on my heel and stumbled back into my apartment, hoping that Ziva would catch the hint. I wrenched open the fridge and pulled out an aging bottle of whiskey and grabbed a glass.

"Alcohol only numbs the pain you know,"she didn't get the hint.

"Get out of my home, Ziva, you're not welcome here! I know you can understand that much English!"I practically shouted. My face going red with anger and embarrassment from her seeing me like this. Not that I cared what she thought of me, but right now I wasn't at my best, I was vulnerable, but this was my home and I'll be damned if she bring me to the tears that have been falling all day, I was sick of crying, I could feel them forming in my eyes.

"You're not the only one who lost somebody, Abby,"Ziva tried to say calmly.

"What will it take for you to leave me alone? Payment? I don't have cash on me right now, but damnit I'll pay you on payday, just LEAVE!"I sloshed two fingers into my glass and then greedily drank from the tumbler, eager for the alcohol to consume my pain and wash me over with numb.

"Abby, I just want you to know you aren't suffering alone-"another drink from my glass and that did it, I threw the glass and ice and what little alcohol in my glass left down at the floor by the Israeli's feet. Ziva jumped at the movement and then looked back up at me, matching my wild astonished look, obviously neither of us expected that, but I overshadowed my motion with the anger from before and glared.

"You don't know anything,"I turned on my heel, bottle still in hand and went to the bedroom.

"You act like you're the only person who lost somebody, but Kate was all of your guys' friend!" I whipped around.

"She was _more_ to me than that, damnit, Ziva! She was my world, she was my _best_ friend and she _got _me, you don't think that coming here and telling me that time will make it easier actually helps, do you?! Because you're _wrong!_"I shouted, stepping closer with every word, anger lashing out, Ziva stood her ground.

"Kate was more of a woman and a cop, and a _friend_ than you'll ever know or be, so don't you fucking _dare_ come to my apartment telling me that I can't grieve for her loss, because she's worth it, she's worth every tear, you think any of those sick suicidal bastards in Mossad would say the same for you?!"that broke something.

I can't tell you which hurt more, the actual sound or the feel of Ziva's hand coming into contact with my face, a loud slap resounded through the room, filling everything with silence, there was nothing, I couldn't even hear my own heartbeat, I could only focus through my anger on the pain shining in Ziva's eyes and how responsible I felt for putting it there...

_Good, hurt, feel pain, maybe then you can somewhat realize what I'm going through..._ but this was different. Ziva David was calm, collected, a professional, as was I on most occassions, but to see a tear fall from her darkened eyes, felt as if someone had punched me in the gut rather than just slapped me. I felt the wind be knocked from my lungs and suddenly, I just wanted to put things right again.

"I will go now,"Ziva's lilt was loud compared to the silence and it brought things back into focus, this wasn't a nightmare, this was reality. "I am very sorry.. I will not bother you again-"Ziva turned on her heel and walked away from me, each footstep clicking her heels against my floor, caused the cracks in my heart to cut deeper and I shouted.

"Ziva!"I ran, into what, I wasn't certain, but before I could realize what was going on, Ziva had spun around and caught me with precision, and my face was soon buried deep in the nape of her neck as my tears began to fall, uncertain arms pulled me in and held onto me like nothing in the world could cause Ziva to let me go. She whispered hymns into my ear in her native tongue, I did not understand them, they could have been death threats for all I cared, but all I knew was that they were genuine and sincere, and she rocked me in her arms, running fingers through my hair as I continued to cry.

When I finally looked up, the door to my apartment was closed and I was laying on my sofa, curled up in Ziva's lap as she continued to gently stroke my hair and dry my tears.

"'M'sorry,"I murmured, uncertain whether or not she heard me, but I buried my face deeper into her sweet-smelling neck and breathed in shakily. Cinnamon and citrus fruit and leather. She was nothing like Kate, her arms were stronger, yet still gentle, her hair was not nearly as soft, but unique, and her demeanor was absolutely something new, she seemed to always be on alert, never relaxed, composed and professional, never laid-back or fun like Kate was. I almost felt sorry for the young girl that must have never had a real childhood, she was raised to be an assassin, an agent for Mossad, I couldn't imagine spending my days learning how to kill, be stealthy and risking my life, in trade for the fun times of me and my hay days in New Orleans with my old car thieving buddies, a coon dog and the sweetest mother I'd ever known.

A small shift in movement and a flash of gold caught my eye, Ziva's Star of David hanging daintily along her collarbone, I raised a finger to trace the small trinket and I could feel Ziva's breath hitch.

"It's beautiful,"I whispered, staring at the necklace.

"It was a gift from my father,"Ziva explained, reaching to touch the star, but instead, grazing my fingers, I laced my fingers with hers and was surprised when she did not pull back or resist, I traced the foriegn lines and calloused tips, roughened hands built by hard work, that still felt as soft as a baby's bottom. "Can I ask a personal question of you?"Ziva asked, gently squeezing our intertwined hands.

"You can, but I'll choose whether I want to answer it,"I responded honestly.

"Fair enough,"Ziva claimed. She went silent for a moment and I wondered if she decided to not ask the question, but then her chest rose and she spoke. "You were close.. you and Kate? Closer than friends?" I stiffened. I felt Ziva's body also stiffen with mine as she seemed to pray she had not crossed a line with me, which she indeed, had. I looked up gently, without moving my head from its spot and watched Ziva, I noticed her looking over at the wall so I glanced and noticed what must have made her ask. The photo of myself and Kate, that Ducky had taken of the two of us that one day in the lab, when I had drawn on the surgical caps and she agreed to wear one with me after braiding my pigtails. We were both laughing, our arms around the others waist, I was giving Kate a hug and Kate was laughing at the camera and shooting a peace sign like the one on her hat.

"We were.."I tried to say it out loud, but a vision of Kate and me stilled my answer.

Kate in that long blonde wig, Kate coming with me to the tattoo parlor and me holding her hand as she got a tattoo of a black rose with an A on her butt, just for me, I couldn't remember laughing so hard in all my life. Her mock misery only adding to my pleasure. Kate walking into my lab with Tony and the two of us just going on about a girls night and a spa and teasing him and McGee. Kate and my first date. The first time she kissed me. I remember, I swear on my life I'd never forget that first kiss, and if I have to, that is truly, the only memory that wont fade away with time like the others have slowly. I missed her kiss, I missed her warmth, her love. I missed Kate.

"She was a lucky woman,"Ziva's voice rumbled in her chest against my ear and I closed my eyes with a sigh, then opened them when a thought popped into my head.

"My turn,"I sat up gently and rested against the back of the couch, and watched how Ziva watched me. I smirked,

"Your a lesbian, aren't you?"Ziva's eyes went wide.

"What kind of question is _that?!_"Ziva asked, offhandedly.

"A question about your sexuality, I mean, you may fool Tony with all that flirting, but you really pinged my gaydar when I first met you,"I laughed.

"First, I am _not _a lesbian! Bisexual yes, but I really hate labels... secondly, I pinged your _what_?"Ziva had her eyebrows hunched, yet that smile on her face made it all the more easy for me to laugh at her, I nearly wound up rolling off of the couch until Ziva's arms caught me.

"Gay..dar.. It's.. a radar.. for gays!"I gasped between laughing as Ziva struggled to sit me upright.

"And so you're saying you knew I was attracted to women because of this gaydar?"Ziva asked, honestly confused. I waited until I knew I could breathe, and the tears had subsided, before I answered.

"Okay, say you've never met Tony, right? And you're walking down to Starbucks and you see him walk in in those tight, emo-boy tight jeans, and a bright pink t-shirt, he's got a rainbow tattoo on his forearm or something and he talks with his voice hitched like a girl-"

"With those type of jeans on I imagine I would be, too"Ziva contemplated.

"Okay, but seriously, if you saw Tony like that wouldn't you immediately think, well damn, he must be gay?"I asked. Ziva thought for a moment.

"No, I'd just think that McGee had finally won a bet against him or something-"we both laughed.

"Oh, c'mon! You so would!"

"Would not, thats judging people, and I'm not one to particularly judge someone based on outside appearances!"Ziva stated.

"It's your job to do that, Ziva,"I pointed out.

"If I did that then I would have been terrified of talking to you,"Ziva stated. "You're the kind of girl that would give my mother a heart attack if I brought you home."

"Thank you!"I smirked, trying to not be offended.

"Personally I think that a person's sexuality shouldn't need a test, you are who you are, no amount of clothes or sexual indifferences can change that,"Ziva stated.

"I remember Kate used to say you could tell a lesbian from a mile away by the way she kisses someone,"I laughed. I felt a small pang for bringing up Kate's name.

"Really? How'd she ever back that one up?"Ziva asked.

"She kissed me."

"I see, and therefore you turned out to like girls from there on?"Ziva asked. I laughed.

"No.. I knew I liked girls long before I met Kate, but-"I paused, looking down at my socked feet and then felt Ziva's hand on my back.

"What?"

"Kate was my lover.. she chose me, she loved me, and I knew when she kissed me that I'd never have to be alone again- but she's gone and I have no one,"I felt the lump form again. "It wasn't supposed to be this way, we were supposed to get that silly happy ever after fairytale bs that Disneyland always puts in the movies..."

"It doesn't always work out like that, Abby, but you shouldn't stop trying just because it didn't,"Ziva played with my hair and I felt a tear fall.

"Yeah, but.." she shushed me and then I felt her lips on my face, kissing away at the shedded tears. My eyes opened and I stared into endless dark pools. Ziva David was my enemy, her brother killed my girlfriend, my best friend, my chance at happiness, and yet here I sat, with her on my couch, her staring at me, begging to make things right, and me.. I don't know what I wanted, but I know what I needed.

"Ziva?"

"Yes, Abby?"Ziva breathed.

"Kiss me." She obliged. Kate still in the back of my mind as we made our way to the bedroom, shedding our clothes along the way, Kate would always have my heart, but tonight, I didn't want to be alone, tonight, I wanted something real beside me in my bed, real warmth, real fingers teasing at my flesh, real lips kissing away my tears. Tonight I wouldn't be sleeping with the ghosts of my past, Ziva was certain to blow away any apparitions that may come my way.

**xFINx**

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